Why we don’t walk around our house with earbuds in, and why you shouldn’t either.
My family and I recently attended a country music concert. Our youngest daughter decided it wasn’t for her, and that’s OK, but the other six of us attended the concert together.
The concert was excellent, but the best part of the experience for me was watching our children find joy while interacting with each other. It was a reminder of the amazing relationships they have with each other and with mom/dad.
Why you should care about having excellent relationships
Science is showing that relationships are essential. People with positive relationships tend to outlive and are happier than those who don’t. This is according to a continuous 80-year Harvard research study that also concluded that bad relationships/loneliness have the same negative health impacts as smoking or obesity. In other words, people with healthy relationships live better and longer lives than those without.
The bad news…
The problem is that recent studies on relationships are concluding that today most people are struggling to build good relationships. And the younger folks are the ones struggling the most.
What does this have to do with earbuds…
Recently, my daughter had an earbud in while walking around the house. I told her that’s not how we were going to operate as a family. I know that seems very old mannish to some of you, and it certainly did to her when she told me in so many words how lame that rule was. But let me share with you the logic I shared with my daughter.
The earbud creates a barrier (perceived or actual) to interaction and engagement with the people around you. Before you disagree, let me ask you if you have ever put in earbuds (or headphones) when you go into a store. Did you do that because you didn’t want to talk to anybody?
The barrier creates a decision point for others about whether or not to engage with the person wearing them. Why does that decision point exist? Because unless you are a rude jerk, you will consider if what you want to share with the person is important enough to potentially interrupt whatever they are engaging with through that earbud.
When someone is walking around with an earbud in their ear, it’s hard to know if they are on a call, listening to something important, just engaging with content for entertainment purposes, or if it is just there with nothing happening on the other end.
I have noticed a trend where over time, it has become a default to not engage with these earbuds people. Maybe you decide not to engage because you want to avoid interrupting them or to avoid being rejected because they might react like what they are consuming through the bud is more important than you. It doesn’t matter why you default to not engaging with them. It’s important to recognize you are defaulting to not engaging.
Over time if you avoid engaging with someone you see regularly, it leads to a poorer relationship with that person. Which, as I mentioned above, leads to poor health (according to the Harvard study).
But wait, there’s more…
There is a second reason I’m against the AirPod in the ear at all times, and that is for mental health reasons. One of the most important things you can do for your mental health is to allow yourself undistracted time to think and process your experiences, reactions, and emotions throughout the day.
A constant stream of content in your ear makes it difficult to process and manage your way through your life experiences.
Over time if you don’t allow yourself moments of silence, you will slow down your maturation process by losing out on helpful internal dialogue like this.
This evaluation process is how you mature in your EQ, and it also allows time to evaluate the quality of your relationships with others.
Let's go back to the concert I mentioned earlier.
I concluded the conversation with my daughter by explaining that the reason we had so much fun with each other at the concert wasn’t just because we were at the concert; it was because of all the little moments we had spent building our relationships. The joke in the kitchen, the random interaction in the hallway, or the times spent discussing big ideas like which Star Wars movie is the best. Small moments like these combine to increase our ability to have quality relationships. These small moments led to us having fun together at the concert.
And the earbuds hinder us from experiencing these small moments and remove opportunities to evaluate our lives. So we won’t be walking around with earbuds in our ears at all times in our house. Not because the earbuds are bad but because building quality relationships is better.
Want to read more about the Harvard Study?
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/01/harvard-happiness-study-relationships/672753/