Getting beyond frustration
Everyone experiences frustration at work (and in life). Periods of frustration are not unusual or a sign that something drastic needs to change. Just because periods of frustration are normal that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to eliminate frustration as quickly or as often as possible.
A key to getting past frustration is to eliminate the generic statement “I am frustrated,” which is too ambiguous to fix and replace it with a more specific statement such as “I am frustrated because…”
If you can identify why you are frustrated, you can take intentional action to resolve the frustration.
Here are common sources of frustration and some ideas for identifying and resolving each.
I feel like I am not getting enough done.
Some people dream of a job where they show up and get paid without having to do anything or a life completely free of responsibilities. These options aren’t as great as they sound. You were made to be productive, to create value, and to produce good works. Boredom is a real thing that can be really frustrating.
Key questions. What did I accomplish today? Were my tasks challenging but possible to achieve?
Key actions. Create a to-do list and check things off or create a system for measuring your outputs. As more work becomes knowledge work or if relationships are were you spend time, you might not have a pile of widgets to show for your efforts at the end of the day. Find a way to measure your output, whatever it is.
I don’t believe I am achieving success or making an impact.
Achievement of things isn’t always enough. Especially if you feel your accomplishments don’t matter, aren’t adding value, or if you achieve something just to be told you need to redo it. Making a positive impact through your work matters just as much (maybe more) than getting stuff done.
Key questions. What value does my work add to my company, my customer, or myself? Why does doing my tasks well matter? What are the consequences of not doing my tasks well? If I stopped doing my tasks, who would notice and why?
Key actions. Think through how your daily activities help someone else live a better life. Create a definition of success for your work and your life. Map out how your actions enable you or someone else to achieve success.
I am experiencing something new that I am not good at or is creating discomfort.
When we experience something new, it can be frustrating because we may loose a sense of mastery we previously had. It can also be frustrating when we make mistakes, take longer than we expect to do things, or need help from other people. A lack of independence or confidence can cause frustration.
Key questions. What is the long-term benefit of sticking with this new experience? What did I learn today that I can use tomorrow? How much better am I today than yesterday? What can I do to improve or get comfortable more rapidly?
Key actions. Add the word Yet. Instead of thinking I am not good. Think I am not good yet. Yet implies your current state is temporary instead of permanent. Invest in yourself through learning or upskilling. Have patience with yourself as you rebuild your confidence.
I am searching for the right things but in the wrong places.
A common source of frustration is inaccurate, incomplete, or inappropriate information. When we feel we have an incomplete picture we will search to find the missing pieces. The source of frustration can occur in many forms.
Missing priorities or lack of direction
Inconsistent or unactionable feedback
Unclear instructions
Conflicting or incomplete data
Key questions: What is frustrating about what I know (or don’t know)? Who/what can help me get a more complete understanding? What is the wisest way to get better information?
Key actions: Act on information from the most reliable sources. Do your best to properly process the rest (most of which should be processed into the trash).
Direction and prioritization should come from sources that are directly impacted by your success or failure in completing the mission. Like your leadership hierarchy or key partners at work, your significant other in a committed relationship or an interdependent family relationship (like your parents as a youth).
Feedback should come from people who have consistent experiences with you. Not someone you had an isolated interaction with or who you are only loosely connected with socially (online connections can be rather unreliable).
Instructions are best when coming from people who have done the work before or who have expertise. Avoid being quick to try hacks (like clever online videos) that seem to good to be true and reevaluate advice from people with unverifiable expertise or who lack real life experiences.
Data from multiple sources over a reasonable length of time is likely more trustworthy and you can be more confident that the conclusions drawn are accurate. A single data point in isolation can lead to unintentionally false conclusions or worse the isolated data point can be used to purposely mislead or misinform. I am a big believer in curiosity and exploration. I also believe that new data should lead to new decisions. Experience has shown that taking a trust but verify approach to data before acting on it especially when the data doesn’t seem to make sense is the wisest path towards success.
I am failing at self-care.
If you neglect yourself, you will wear down. When you wear down, everything begins to grind on you and just about anything can become a source of frustration.
Key questions: What have I done to gain energy? Have I eaten appropriately? What am I doing for myself to prepare me for the road ahead? Does my level of frustration match the experience I am getting frustrated about (if not it’s likely not the experience that is causing the frustration)?
Key actions: You need to create energy so you can navigate the variety of experiences and expectations of the day. Food, rest, exercise, sunlight, and using your strengths can all give you energy. Prioritize periods of energy-giving activities every day, preferably before you run low.
A closing thought
Take time to define your frustration and then take actions that help you manage frustration until you can move beyond it. Also try not to use A B C or D responses.
