Worry less; be more consistent instead
Worry less about individual incidents and focus on becoming more consistent.
This is good advice because even if you are overly hard on yourself, the people you have the healthiest relationships with will remember you for how you show up a supermajority of the time, not for the isolated incidents where you feel like you let people down.
Here is what I mean …
My son recently graduated high school. One of my sisters was headed in from out of town for the ceremony on Saturday and the party on Sunday. Her flight was early in the morning on the day of the ceremony. The ceremony was later that evening. There was plenty of time to travel on the day of the event. That was until her first flight arrived late, and she missed her connecting flight to her final destination.
My sister called me with sadness in her voice to apologize for missing the ceremony, but she would make the party. She explained the situation with the connecting flight and how she had sprinted through the airport to try and make it. I told her it was not a problem and that she should relax and enjoy the unintended layover. However, I knew she wouldn’t relax because I had been in the same situation.
My story
My family had a tradition of attending the Christmas tree lighting hosted by a local shopping district. One year, during a period of time when I often traveled for work, I was unable to board my flight home on time. I missed the flight, which meant I missed the Christmas tree lighting. I called my wife and explained. She said it was okay and I should relax. She knew I didn’t do it on purpose.
For me, the kind words from my wife didn’t help. I spent the whole evening in the airport beating myself up and creating outlandish narratives about the long-term adverse effects of my missing the event on my future relationship with my wife and kids.
I was worried a single incident would overshadow the family culture and values I had worked hard to establish and nurture.
What time has taught me
My experience of missing the tree lighting is now far enough in the past that I have achieved a much healthier view of the event and its long-term impacts (or lack of impacts).
Knowing my sister and I share a few tendencies, I decided to send her this text
Conclusion
Experience has shown that success (relational or otherwise) isn’t defined by never falling short; success is found in how you consistently show up.
Being consistent starts with developing an intentional definition of success for your life, then aligning your actions/words/resources around achieving that definition of success.
Becoming more consistent in the ways you behave, the things you say, and the ways you use your resources. When you prioritize correctly, the grace/support you receive will be plentiful when the inevitable disruptions of life occur and you fall short of the standard you have established.
Think of it this way the people who experience your consistent efforts will know you for the things you do consistently, not for the outlier incidents. Get better at being consistent and worry less about making mistakes.