Be the Best Version of You not a copy of anyone else even the GOAT
Every person is created on purpose and for a purpose. We reach the greatest level of satisfaction, and have our greatest successes, when we can leverage our unique combination of skills, experiences and behaviors to achieve the things that enable us to be more of who we were made to be.
The problem is that many of the professionals I have encountered do not think of the pursuit of success in that way. When it comes to careers, I have encountered a great number of professionals who are in search of that one set of habits that will lead to a single definition of success so that they can experience the same satisfaction as other successful people they know.
Technology has heightened our ability to fall into this pattern because we are more aware of everyone else’s victories. Who hasn’t heard about a peer’s greatest-of-all-time new job or office space? Or how they crushed a 12-hour workday? Or how they are leaving for an achiever’s club trip in the Bahamas? The only thing more impressive than these work accomplishments is when they take time away from the workplace to go on the #bestever vacation with their #perfect family because they are #blessed.
What I have experienced as a leader is spending more and more time trying to coach people past their awareness of other people’s success. I do this because chasing other people success has led to an increase in discontentment and striving by people on my teams. They are spending an increasing amount of their own time, resources, and effort attempting to imitate other people’s version of success by mastering other people’s habits. They do these thing hoping that ultimately replicating someone else will lead to their own personal satisfaction.
They begin to believe that becoming the Greatest of All Time (GOAT) is accomplished by following one specific path and that the great news is someone else has already charted the course and removed all the barriers. All they need to do is replicate what worked for that other person.
They become convinced that if they just… read that recommended book or blog… consume someone else’s favorite podcast or video… follow this guru or that influencer… deploy someone else’s method or framework, that success is right there for the taking, all they have to do is get better at imitating someone else.
Experience has shown me, that so many people find replicating another person’s “social”-shopped* version of what it means to be the GOAT. anything but comfortable or satisfying. Instead it typically leaves them discontent, discouraged, anxious, stressed out or even depressed.
Four reasons why going after someone else’s version of success might be causing you anxiety, stress or depression:
1. It’s probably not real or at least is not 100% accurate; You’re probably missing an important part of the picture like what it looks like the other 23 hours of the day or how many takes/practices/failures it took to get to the success on display. Or more importantly what they gave up getting to their GOAT moment.
I know that getting to where I got as quickly as I got led to a period of depression and anxiety. And I know during that period I wasn’t mature enough to share this reality with the people who thought I had it all together. Instead I hid it in shame and just kept keeping up appearances.
2. The success you see in someone else’s life is based on who they were made to be (their combination of skills, experiences and behaviors) which is different then who you were made to be. Trying to imitate who someone else was made to be is going to be painful (wrong goals, wrong skills, wrong habits) and you will not be as successful. If your skills, experiences or motivations set you up to be a cake don’t get mad that you aren’t able to be a brownie, just go out and be the most delicious cake you can be.
Several times in my career I have had the opportunity to take roles in high profile sales. Each of the people offering me the jobs had experiences with me where I demonstrated successful sales behaviors. They waived their definition of success (lots of money and early retirement potential) in front of me. But what none of these people know is that I have a paralyzing fear of asking people for money. So even though I have many of the skills of a successful sales professional, I fear rejection in financial discussions just too much. I also know the experiences that led to this near phobia and how I have serious doubts I would ever get beyond the fears. So, I would never be a successful sales person.
3. When you do achieve becoming an imitation of someone else’s version of success and it doesn’t fulfill you; (in the way you assume it is fulfilling the other person). When unfulfilled, you assume you are broken because “look how happy/satisfied that other person is.” In this perceived brokenness you assume something is wrong with you.
I had the opportunity to interview for my dream job. I made the final interview, got flown to the national headquarters, put up in a nice hotel, spent a day touring the campus and doing interviews just to realize in the middle of the first interview that it wasn’t what I really wanted. Luckily they also realized this wasn’t the right fit, but it was hard to admit to myself that what I thought I always wanted wasn’t accurate. I struggled to come to grips for a period of time even to the point of questioning if I had wasted the first part of my career. In hindsight however what I realize is that not taking the job changed the trajectory of my life in amazing ways.
4. When you actually try to follow all the best practices or expert opinions available, you will find they often (almost comically) contradict each other or share opposing views.
If there was truly one set of principles for success there would only be one search result on Google for “Top Ten ways to be a better manager,” instead of 937 million.
So what does it all mean?
Pursuing someone else’s “social”-shopped persona can be painful because who that person was made to be and who you were made to be are different. So what worked for them won’t necessarily work for you. Your set of skills, knowledge and experiences set you up to be successful in your own way using methods that are more natural for you.
The Alternative Approach
Make your goal to end each day moving one step closer to becoming the most authentic version of who you were made to be and less of an imitation of someone else.
The good news is, this is a much more comfortable and sustainable journey.
The better news is, this way is easier to achieve and the success that follows is more fulfilling.
And the best news is, it doesn’t require you to make any drastic changes all you need to do is slow down and ask yourself some questions.
The journey towards being the best most authentic version of yourself starts with asking these questions
What is the most important thing I want to be known for when my career is over?
What are the skills, behaviors and experiences that make me uniquely me?
Which area do I need to improve in to achieve the thing I want to be known for?
And ask these questions when exploring a “GOAT’s” definition of success and methods
Why do I want to replicate what the “GOAT” has achieved?
Will achieving the “GOAT’s” definition of success move me closer to achieving what I want to be known for in my career?
Will the approach the “GOAT” is recommending work within the context of my skills, experiences, and knowledge?
What adjustments to the “GOAT’s” methods could I make that will allow me to leverage my skills, knowledge and experiences but still achieve the same outcomes?
Use your answers to these questions as the foundations to pursue becoming the best most authentic version of yourself and stop sheepishly trying to chase someone else’s GOAT persona.
Clarification: I am in no way stating you should never consume content or seek advice. I am definitely saying you should never blindly follow whatever advice you receive. It is better to discern what is best for you before you begin to implement someone else’s methods for success.