What is the highest form of control?

You have probably heard the advice to control what you can control. 

The advice might be followed with a suggestion, which is to write down the list of things on your mind and then to identify the subset of that list that you can control.

The list of things you can control is always considerably smaller than the totality of everything on your mind. 

It’s as if to say if you can’t control it, you shouldn’t worry about it. 

I believe these suggestions are well intended, with the person delivering the advice trying to increase your peace of mind by decreasing the scope of things you should be anxious about. 

But this activity is void of the reality that you still must deal with the outcomes of all the things you can’t control. 

There is a healthier and more helpful way to think about control, which can be found in this tip sheet. 

My experiences have led me to believe that most people don’t actually want to control how things happen, but rather, when they talk about control, what they are talking about is wanting certainty of their preferred favorable outcome. 

Consider these options. Which would you choose?

You could obtain the thing you want more than anything else: maybe money or fame or a relationship.  But you couldn’t control how you got it. 

Or

You can control everything around you, but you will NEVER get what you want most. 

Most people would pick option 1. 

People seek control to ensure the outcomes they want because they are ill-equipped to deal with the reality of life that sometimes things don’t go in their favor. 

The alternative type of control is self-control

A healthier form of control would involve ensuring you can more than just survive in any situation, no matter the events or the outcomes. 

That is why, spoiler alert from the tip sheet,  the highest form of control is self-control. It is achieved through the hard work of looking inside yourself to understand why you do what you do and feel what you feel. 

Thankfully, science continues to support that you can renew your mind and change your thoughts no matter how old you are. Renewal starts by focusing on what is true, honorable, just, pure, or excellent. 

Followed by building habits that support your ability to manage your reactions to all circumstances and outcomes. 

Conclusion

A renewed mind paired with self-control habits leads to success in more circumstances and the ability to truly control what you can control, which is yourself.