I Can’t Be the Only One Who Neglects Myself When Stressed, Right?

According to a book I was recently reading, Your Oxygen Mask First, most leaders who are chasing after their version of greatness suffer from a pretty severe tendency to neglect themselves. This apparently has adverse effects on a leader’s ability to achieve the greatness they are chasing. Put me on that list. I am probably an all-star in that endeavor, maybe even a future hall of famer.

I am keenly aware that to be at my best, I need four things

• Quiet time to reflect and think

• Physical activity

• Good nutrition

• Sleep

I am also keenly aware that these things are the first to go when I perceive that they interfere with a task related to chasing greatness.

I also know how I show up when I am overly stressed and not at my best

• I am physically tired and less likely to take part in physical activities

• I am emotionally short (some might say with a tendency to get angry)

• I am mentally lazy, choosing to go with the easy way instead of the wisest way

• I am prone to seeking out distractions instead of engaging fully in my current reality

It has only been recently that I have put together the equation that

Too much Stress + poor self-care = Negative personal experiences and decreased effectiveness on my journey to chase greatness.

To say it differently

Too Much Stress + Poor Self-Care = negative impacts for you personally and professionally.

How Much Stress is too much?

I believe that some stress is good, and there is research to support that. Constantly living in comfort means you have stopped growing or challenging yourself (or being challenged), and therefore you are no longer chasing greatness. You are just coasting.

In addition to the book mentioned above, I listened to a podcast that discussed the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, a tool that looks at life events and the impacts they have on your stress levels.

The idea is that certain events are stressors and that each person has a capacity to handle only so much stress (DUH!). What is interesting is that this inventory assigns a point value to each stressor. A few examples

• Divorce -73 points

• Marriage – 50 points

• Major changes in working hours or conditions – 20 points

• Vacation – 13 points

The research goes on to explain that for most people, up to 150 points in a year is manageable, 150-300 is a 50% predictor that you will have a negative health breakdown in the next 2 years, and over 300 is a person who is 80% likely to have a negative health breakdown in the next 2 years. Ironically enough, living through a global pandemic isn’t on the list, but I bet it would fall somewhere between divorce and marriage.

Currently, I am approaching going over 150 points, combine that with my tendency to give up self-care when I am stressed because I perceive it interferes with the chase for greatness, and it becomes clear why I am not operating at my peak physically, mentally, or emotionally right now.

What You Can Do To Better Manage Your Stress and Get Better Outcomes 

Self-awareness is a crucial skill for everyone. That is pretty well understood. Taking action based on self-awareness is a little less common of a skill. Here are some suggestions for turning self-awareness into action to help you if you are struggling with the effects of too much stress

• Take the time to regularly evaluate what events are causing stress in your life (maybe use the inventory). Ask yourself

• Is my list growing or shrinking?

• Is my list getting close to too much, or has it already crossed the line?

• Take the time to determine how that stress is showing up for you in negative ways.

  • I gave a list above, but there are many other ways. Check out the Mental Health Continuum for some guidance on what it looks like when you are operating under too much stress.

• Take the time to take care of yourself. It’s not just good for you, but it is good for those you spend time with (family, friends, co-workers)

  • A friend recently pointed out that in my StrengthsFinder profile, the combination of Responsibility and Achiever makes me ripe for taking on too much (the friend called it the Atlas Complex).

  • This friend said one way to increase the likelihood I more regularly take care of myself is to put my self-care items on my to-do list. I will feel responsible for achieving those things since they are on my list.

  • Come up with your own habit or plan for increasing self-care

• Take the time to reflect on what you have been saying yes to and ensuring those things align with your life’s priorities. Then pick the things you need to say no to, even the good things.

  • Going back to your stress list

  • Are there things on the list that are causing you stress but are not helping you in your chase for greatness or, as I like to say, in your chase to positively impact the things that speak to your heart?

• Talk with someone you trust about what you are going through

• A spouse, friend, mentor, or professional are good options.

• You will likely find out they have been there too, and they might have advice on how they got to the other side.

• You might even want to apologize to those who have shouldered the burden of you not showing up well; a little honest humility increases empathy and increase trust.

Conclusion

Some stress is necessary to help you grow and to push you as you chase greatness. But like any good thing, there is a chance that you have too much. Being your best requires you to take time out of your complicated life to thoughtfully reflect on your current state of being, so you can admit you aren’t at your best and use data to prove to yourself why. It requires humility to recognize how you show up when you are not at your best and courage to prioritize your need to make time to take care of yourself.

Chasing your version of greatness requires thoughtfulness, humility, courage, and you. Make sure you are taking good enough care of yourself so you can achieve the greatness you were designed for!