Guiding Principle: Speak Boldly, candidly but always with positive intentions
In Summary, this principle is intended to:
Reinforce that successful teams are teams that have good organizational health as evidenced by high levels of
Trust
Honesty (candor)
Emotional Intelligence (both EQ towards others and EQ towards self) in action
Remind those teams and teammates that candid conversations will expose us to potentially difficult interactions or hearing potentially hard to listen to things
During those difficult interactions, someone might get hurt emotionally, not physically; when that happens, you can more effectively move beyond the emotional reaction and into appropriately processing the information when you assume positive intentions.
Rationale
We all need to hear the truth more often. Why? Because it is only through truth that we can achieve our best, grow into a better version of ourselves, and avoid the trap of settling for mediocrity. This goes for individuals, teams, and businesses.
Few argue with this in theory, but we see it in practice much less often than we would hope. It is still rare that we experience a workplace that is also a marketplace of effective candor. It is much more common that the work environment is either without candor, having labeled candor as a dangerous weapon, not an effective tool with a mindset that it is to be avoided at all costs, or where candor is used as a weapon and not a tool, so it is mostly avoided so no one feels the sting of the weapon.
But there is a better way. And that way requires boldness, candor, and positive intentions. If you need a proof point, check out the Netflix culture deck or read No Rules, Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed Hastings, which outlines how Netflix allows candor on a backbone of positive intentions.
Why is this so hard? Think of it this way.
A few statements that help highlight the balance required when bringing candor(truth) into the workplace. And a gentle reminder before you read them that living a balanced life is hard.
The truth can hurt, but it can’t be mean. This was something a friend shared with me on the volleyball courts. I don’t remember the context around it, but I remember internalizing it because it rang true but seemed so against the grain of much of what I believed to be true at the time. He meant that if I share the truth with you, hearing it might hurt you, but that is because it is true, it wasn’t mean even though it hurt you. If I share the truth with you, it is actually me saying I care enough about you to share something with you that might potentially hurt, but I want you to get better because I care. What is mean about me caring about you enough to do something hard?
The truth will set you free is something many people are familiar with, but most people probably don’t know this tongue-in-cheek book title from Gloria Steinem; the Truth Will Set You Free, But First, It Will Piss You Off. Once you get beyond your emotional reaction to hearing the truth (the how dare you reaction), there is much freedom in embracing your newfound opportunity to get better and grow. What if there really is something to what that person is saying. What if there is an adjustment worth making that will lead to better outcomes? What if I get over being upset in favor of being set free, how cool would that be?
"When you are passionate, you can be bold because you have that drive, that enthusiasm, that courage, that excitement."- Author Richard Templar (aka Richard Craze). Being bold in a candid environment is a two-way street; I must be willing to be bold and say things that might be unpopular, and you must be bold in your willingness to embrace the potential of there being truth in what was said. We then both must boldly move forward together in doing something new. I love what Richard Templar says, that boldness requires drive, enthusiasm, courage, and excitement. Who doesn’t want to operate in an environment where team members are encouraged to exhibit those characteristics and do so with the intent of making everyone and everything GREATer than it is today.
All of this balancing is easier when we operate from a place of assuming positive intention because it creates a common ground that starts from a good place.
What exactly is assuming positive intent
It is important to understand this concept correctly. To avoid creating a culture of abusive candor where people live under the false assumption that how you feel is your fault, which neglects to address the flip side of that coin which is but how I make people feel is my fault. Think of it this way
Positive intent is you extending the belief that the other person has the best of intentions in saying what they are saying. That the person is saying it because they believe you hearing it will benefit you in some way.
Positive intent is me looking to say things in a way that tries my best to display a desire to help you and be willing to accept that sometimes I will fail.
It is not you turning a blind eye to how things are said or the other person just saying whatever they want however they want; if candor is delivered poorly, that needs to be addressed. Check out guidance on that in the Don’t be a jerk and when you are a jerk, apologize principle found here.
Positive intent is you looking for the shred of truth in every piece of feedback you receive because it is in there, somewhere.
It is not you 100% blindly agreeing with everything anyone else says to you.
Positive intent is operating under a shared belief that we all want to win and win together (as one team where everyone plays an important role).
It is not me telling you what I think you need to hear, so you get out of the way, so the rest of us can win with or without you.
But how can we do it?
You have to create space.
Create space to have conversations where candor can happen
Putting your heads down and constantly pushing forward is easy. Just focus on the fire at your feet or the “emergency” with a false sense of urgency. Don’t ever allow time to think or reflect.
But that is not the point. The point is to constantly be growing and moving past the current state towards a better (more impactful) future. Fighting today's fires keeps you stuck in today’s mindsets and approaches, meaning you will always be achieving today's results.
To do this, take time to reflect on what is being done, how it is being done, and how it could be done better (or to reflect on the past, work in the present, deliver on the future) and then take time to talk openly about how to achieve the better future as a team.
Create space between what you think you want to say and saying it.
Being recklessly candid is easy. Just say whatever you want, whenever you want; however you want to whoever you want.
But that is not the point. The point is to use candor to create necessary change and push past a false sense of comfort in a belief that everything is fine and into the discomfort found in embracing a need to change. Creating a bit of healthy stress, not a tidal way of unhealthy stress.
To do this, take the time to think through what you want to say so you say it in a way that it is heard and drives others forward into beneficial action.
Create space between what you heard, what you believe it means, how it makes you feel, and how you react to what you heard.
Sheltering yourself from candor is easy. Assume everyone is wrong, everyone’s feedback is inaccurate, and everyone else has their own flaws, so how dare they attempt to point out yours.
But that is not the point. The point is to look for the shred of truth in the feedback. What is the one thing that if you squint, you might be willing to embrace you could do different, and if you did it differently, you might get a better result? Embrace a desire to always be getting better.
To do this, take the time to get past the emotions and instead evaluate what was said objectively so you can find the shred of truth and decided what needs to be done with it. Then respond to the person who gave you the feedback in a positive way. And start doing the new thing so you can get better results.
Conclusion
Great people, teams, and businesses are great because of the things they achieve. They achieve greatness by always growing, always moving forward, and always pushing past mediocrity. Replacing comfort and contentment with healthy amounts of discomfort and stress.
We need to be pushed outside of our comfort zones, and this requires candid conversations. Conversations where potentially difficult things are said and heard. It takes boldness both to say hard but helpful things and to hear hard things as helpful things.
To have the difficult conversations lead to achieving their intended result (improving outcomes and maintaining relationships), we must assume positive intent. Assume the other person wants you to succeed just as much as I want to succeed for myself. And when in doubt about any of this, take the time to slow down and talk about it to get on the same page.